Ending Unhealthy Friendships.
How to Know if Your Friendship is Unhealthy
You might consider ending a friendship if:
- You don’t feel respected, and your friend doesn’t seem to hear your concerns. For instance, they may be constantly late meeting you and then disregard your feelings. Or they borrow money and neglect to repay it, or borrow items and return them broken or not at all. Ending those unhealthy friendships may be better for you.
- You can’t speak your mind honestly, or can’t find space in the conversation to speak at all (healthy boundaries don’t exist with bad friends).
- You leave your visits feeling depressed, frustrated, exhausted, depleted or angry. A friend should leave you feeling happy, content, connected, and hopeful. A bad friend makes you feel bad.
- Your friend behaves immorally, unethically, illegally, or in any way that runs counter to your beliefs and values. Ending friendships may be the best thing for both of you.
- Your friend never makes the effort to call or visit you. You find yourself reaching out, with minimal success. Sometimes you don’t even need to formally end a friendship with bad friends, it just happens naturally. Unhealthy friendships often die a natural death.
- You’re friends with an energy vampire (a type of bad friend). Ending unhealthy friendships could protect your well-being.
Another reason to end unhealthy friendships: unmet expectations. A huge part of any relationship is expectations. If you expect your friend to show up on time, and you’re kept waiting, then you’ll be disappointed. But — this isn’t necessarily a bad friend or unhealthy friendship. If you know you’ll have to wait and even bring a book or your laptop, then you may not feel disrespected or frustrated. All friendships require concessions, exceptions and loving forgiveness — and you get to decide if your friendship is worth it. The bottom line: ending friendships shouldn’t be an automatic solution.
Your unique perspective. Another aspect of all relationships is your view of the issues. Is tardiness a sign of a disrespectful or bad friend or simple disorganization? Is “immoral” behavior universally wrong (selling crystal meth to 12 year olds) or a matter of opinion (Christians shouldn’t drink wine)? Take an objective look at your friendship; do the benefits outweigh the negatives? If you’re considering ending a friendship, consider the relationship as a whole.
When the quality of the friendship outweighs the perceived misdemeanors, then hold on to your friend – good ones are hard to find. But, if the friendship involves more struggle and frustration than connection and joy, then it may be time to say good-bye for good to a bad friend. Ending friendships can protect your health and well-being.
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