Reflections, Reflections

I used to think of motherhood as an easy peesy job especially those moms who choose to stay at home. It is women who can mix their booming career with motherhood that I most admire. Until I became a stay-at-home mom almost one year ago. Oh boy, it is the most difficult role to boot. There are challenges and hardships especially if you do not have any nanny or househelp. It’s a learning process and a fun journey altogether. Nevertheless, I am grateful for this chance as I enjoy watching my son’s milestones despite the every demands of having a toddler. Let me share with you an interesting article I came across over the net. It is exactly what SAHMs feel when they leave their children and have a good time.

Am I a Bad Mother?
Written by A.L. HarperPublished January 30, 2006

About a year ago I started to yearn for my freedom. I wanted to be a person again, not just a mother. Don’t get me wrong I love my daughter dearly. I wouldn’t be without her. She is the light of my life. At the same time I was sick and tired of being a mother.
You know what I mean – the person who makes the meals, does the laundry and reminds everyone where to be and when to be there (and most the time gets them there). I didn’t feel like a person anymore. I didn’t feel like a woman anymore. I felt like a MOTHER machine.
Now that my daughter is getting older (12 is too older) I wanted some of my life back. I wanted some me time. And I decided to start small.
Step one -I started going to the gym every morning before work (something I knew my husband could get behind). My husband gets my daughter up and off to school every morning and I go directly from the gym to work. It has worked out very well. He has really taken to it and even seems to like it. And he gets a fit, happy wife in return.
Step two – on Sunday I go and have coffee with friends for a couple of hours. My daughter complains that I’m not at home spending time with her. However when I do stay home she just wants to sit and watch TV, play video games. Last week after sitting at home all morning watching her watch TV I decided to go to coffee. What did she say as I was leaving? “But what if I want something? You won’t be here for me.” That’s when it dawned on me, we both want the same thing – whatever is going to make HER happiest.
And ultimately, I decided, a happy mummy is what was going to make her happiest. After all I’m a better mummy when I’m happy.
My mother tells me that when you have a child you give up your life to them. That you give up all you are for your children. Where is that written?! I wouldn’t have signed up if I had read that part! Does that make me a bad mummy? Taking some time for me? And while we’re on the “giving everything up” subject – my mother certainly didn’t do that!
I am taking a creative writing course, I got a few tattoos (something I have always wanted), I have a coffee with my friends on Sunday, and go to the gym every weekday morning. Occasionally we have a girl’s night out.
I haven’t abandoned her. It not as if I leave food and water in little dishes on the floor, like I do for the cat. She’s fine! Fed, loved (tickled most nights), cleaned and occasionally disciplined – although not too often, she’s a good kid.
I don’t think taking time for myself makes me a bad mummy. In fact I think it makes me a better mummy and wife. Happier, more fulfilled, certainly more patient. I laugh and smile more easily, I am more joyous.
So why do I feel so damned guilty? When is it ok to be a person again? When can we start taking our lives back a little? I still do all the mummy things. I just do other stuff too.
Now where are my motorbike keys? I’m off to tour the world.

Filed under:
family reflections, raising children, self improvement by ysobel